Man Drives Drunk Inside Walmart

A rather drunken Timothy Carr.

No, that headline isn't a typo. Last night one multi-tasking Florida man took it upon himself to combine the popular pastime of committing crimes in and around Walmarts and the art of operating a vehicle while intoxicated. According to the police report (which can be found here courtesy of our friends at Smoking Gun) Timothy Carr, 48, hopped on one of Walmart's handy motorized scooters and proceeded to careen through the store knocking items off of shelves all while helping himself to pouches of "Daily Daiquiri". There's no mention in the policy report, sadly, whether Timothy (the dazed gentleman pictured to the right) preferred the strawberry or peach flavor of pouched drink whose company catch phrase is "The alcohol is in it!" 

Cops arrested Carr, who the report notes at the time was having some difficulty standing, for disorderly intoxication and retail theft. The theft, however, was upgraded to a felony because the pouch-guzzling Carr had previously been convicted of two prior theft offenses. Carr was also ordered not to have any contact with Walmart. Harsh! I guess all he can do now is blame it on Florida.