Flare Gun vs. Groin

Jorge Perez, 23, of Lehigh Acres, Florida apparently found himself with a bit too much free time last Sunday night. What'd he do with this time? He started playing with a flare gun, of course! Perez fired the gun off a few times before bringing it in the house and setting it down. Things took a turn for the worse not long after when Jorge returned to the flare gun and, thinking it was unloaded, pulled the trigger while the gun was pointed at the ground. Turns out the flare gun had a trick up its sleeve.

Lee County deputies who were called to the scene for a medical emergency reported that the flare struck the floor and ricocheted up striking Perez in the groin. Much to his chagrin Perez ended up with multiple burns and lacerations to his genitals and won himself a trip to the hospital. Ouch.

Posted with Blogsy

Play D'oh -- Florida Man Uses Putty to Fix Cars

   PlayDoh can be a good deal of fun. As small children you use it to make flowers, horses, eat and create gigantic messes by combining all of the colors into one large mass of stomach-turning brown. As young adults you take that brown mess and use it oh so cleverly to make mock human waste and an assortment of crude genitalia and find it hilarious. As an adult you buy it for your friends with small children, help open up all the packaging and make a few fun things with the kids and then wash your hands and go home. (Sorry Ann and Randy!)

Nicholas Johnson used PlayDoh to fix the
cars of unwitting customers he met in parking
lots at the mall.

In Florida, though, you use PlayDoh to make a little money by committing fraud. Nicholas Johnson, 33, of Port Richey Florida decided to use Play Doh and a little bit of wax instead of Bondo when making auto body repairs to the cars of unsuspecting customers. Claiming he'd "fixed" the damage and flush with the cash Johnson would then disappear. That is until Florida detectives caught up with Johnson and charged him with conspiracy to commit fraud.

How did Johnson find his customers/victims? Simple! Police say he drove around shopping malls and neighborhoods looking for cards in need to body work and just approached people out of the blue offering his services -- this is Florida after all. As a general note to anyone reading this in Florida this is not a good method of finding not just auto-body repairers but gynecologists (true story!), banking officials and nannies.

Orgy Gone Awry

This next story isn't all that recent but in preparing to launch Blame It on Florida I've been gathering stories for some time. Although crazy Florida stories pop up literally every day.

Tina Norris and James Barfield planned an orgy without realizing that it would involve viewing each other have sex with the three unwitting strangers that they brought home.  Fisticuffs ensued.

We all know what they say about the best laid plans. Well, when one Florida couple made plans to get laid things certainly did go astray. Tina Michelle Norris, 39, and James Albert Barfield, 56 of Weeki Wachee Florida made headlines after an attempt at organizing a swinging orgy lead to both being booked on domestic battery charges. 

Barfield had brought home with him a woman while Norris -- not to be outdone, had bagged herself two men. Large quantities of alcohol were drank, music started playing, clothes started flying and the swinging was in full motion. (This is, of course, my unsubstantiated version of events but isn't that how all orgies begin?) Things turned to fisticuffs when, overcome with a sudden burst of love for one another, jealousy, a good deal of alcohol and a dash of morality, Barfield discovered that he was not so keen on the sight of his girlfriend being man-handled by two sets of man hands and Norris at the sight of her man copulating with another woman. In their zeal to plan and implement an orgy it never occurred to the scrapping couple that swinging would actually involve them -- well, swinging and that while they had sex with strangers in the same room they might actually have to see each other having sex with strangers in the same room. Rookie mistake, right?

When the police arrived they found Barfield, nude, with scratches on his neck and back. Much to his chagrin they were from the skirmish that followed the orgy's breakdown and not free-wheeling sex he'd anticipated. Norris was also nude and, as the police report indicated, refused to get dressed when asked to do so by the police officer on the scene. Barfield was booked on domestic battery as was Norris in addition to a charge for resisting a police officer.

The three would-be orgy participants, total spoilsports, had fled the scene by the time the police arrived. The only person at the house that night who could speak to the police was Norris and Barfield's groggy roommate who had woken up during the skirmish when she heard things breaking in the living room who reported that both had been aggressors in the orgy-ending battle. How'd you like to be their roommate? At least you'd have a reasonably entertaining story Monday morning at work when someone asked how your weekend had been. Blame it on Florida.

You can find the complete story courtesy of Huffington Post here.


-- Nick

Man Drives Drunk Inside Walmart

A rather drunken Timothy Carr.

No, that headline isn't a typo. Last night one multi-tasking Florida man took it upon himself to combine the popular pastime of committing crimes in and around Walmarts and the art of operating a vehicle while intoxicated. According to the police report (which can be found here courtesy of our friends at Smoking Gun) Timothy Carr, 48, hopped on one of Walmart's handy motorized scooters and proceeded to careen through the store knocking items off of shelves all while helping himself to pouches of "Daily Daiquiri". There's no mention in the policy report, sadly, whether Timothy (the dazed gentleman pictured to the right) preferred the strawberry or peach flavor of pouched drink whose company catch phrase is "The alcohol is in it!" 

Cops arrested Carr, who the report notes at the time was having some difficulty standing, for disorderly intoxication and retail theft. The theft, however, was upgraded to a felony because the pouch-guzzling Carr had previously been convicted of two prior theft offenses. Carr was also ordered not to have any contact with Walmart. Harsh! I guess all he can do now is blame it on Florida.